Below is a question and response between shakti and a student. shakti’s response is below in red.
Sarah: Thank you for your reply, shakti. It put some clarity and insight into thoughts and feelings I’ve had on the subject of external love.
As someone on the path to inner freedom, I find that the more self-aware I become, the more aware of the external I become as well, and this has become frightening recently, as I FEEL not only my pain and longing, but that of the wider world. How does one be aware, open and emanate true compassion within and without but not “take on” the pains of the world?
The reason I have felt the “need” for a lover, is because of social conditioning. That symbol is everywhere, and I naturally merge with my environment in an effort to connect. Although I feel separate from everything and one, I feel a great connection to it as well. Humans are especially hard for me to be around with pure awareness right now, because their pain is so great–as they so identify with suffering as a way of life!
Again, that split self steps in, and a part of me gets it and identifies too, while that higher self says: “That’s silly. That’s not where it’s at. Truth of Being lies in constant unconditional love.” But, man, that’s a HARD one to stomach for me–literally! Why?
Again…it all comes back to the idea of finding love and that the “love” is supposed to come from a place of other, rather than an internal union. This triggers a deep inner loneliness within. I think, “What if I never find someone to connect with really and truly and deeply but myself?” The other part replies: “Good. Then you will feel fulfilled always and it will not matter.”
That 1st part retorts: “But what will others think? Won’t I appear as different or weird? Won’t I feel disconnected from family, friends and other humans?”
The other side responds: “No more than you already feel. Isn’t the loneliness you feel stemming from a lack of connection within your own divine Self?”..”Yes, but…” is all that small self can say.
It feels like a head and a heart trip right now. They are in battle for the same thing. I don’t get it.
And then I feel this sadness for humanity, because I know everyone is struggling… perhaps even greater than I and without knowing they are doing so. That saddens me. I just want to weep for this longing to love. and to keep loving. But that little self says: “Will anyone care (including my own self)?”
shakti: Hello again,
From reading your words it is pretty clear that you are quite deep into the dynamic of spirituality and not the new age one (thank god).
Before I reply to your detailed concerns I would like to remind you of a few points:
1. The path of spirituality can be often a tough one as one needs to break down many invisible chains of attachments and deep rooted habits as well as changing the powerful programming in the self’s hard drive.
2. As a consequence of the above, only a minority ends up on the path, moving into a wider state of perception that can not be perceived by the majority. This is why the minority spiritual seeker easily becomes an outsider and often a ‘weirder’.
3. The good news is that when you reach the level of absolute internal freedom any of the above obstacles or challenges become irrelevant. Wherever you are, becomes perfect as it is.
And now for your concerns,
Sarah: As someone on the path to inner freedom, I find that the more self-aware I become, the more aware of the external I become as well, and this has become frightening recently, as I FEEL not only my pain and longing, but that of the wider world.
shakti: What you feel is exactly what it is but we need to remove the dust from the observations you have. There is no external or internal, as it is all the same. The existence of the body is what gives us the illusion of the outside and inside of us. The ‘wider world’ is you. The reason why you are now starting to feel the ‘wider world’s’ pain is because your perception is widening and your physical body doesn’t stop you anymore from experiencing the ‘outside’ as you experience yourself.
Sarah: How does one be aware, open and emanate true compassion within and without but not “take on” the pains of the world?
shakti: By becoming the ultimate observer.
Compassion doesn’t mean feeling sorry or sad for others. Compassion means you do not judge. When you see an act you can see the perfect circumstances this action arose from. For this kind of observation you need to move beyond the limited mind and see reality as it is in each moment. You never take on others’ pain. What we mean by saying that is that others’ pain reflects our own pain. This is why it feels so painful and heavy. At the end of the day it is all about us. When you move beyond the small self and become the observer, you do what has to be done and you accept what can not be changed. How do you know when is what? By being fully in the moment.
Sarah: The reason I have felt the “need” for a lover, is because of social conditioning. That symbol is everywhere, and I naturally merge with my environment in an effort to connect.
shakti: Remember there is nothing wrong with having a lover. We are living in a material world where the physical body is a part of it, just as are flowers, crystals, and tea pots. It is great to be playful and joyful with the treasures of material as long as we don’t create attachments towards them and a need for them( for the tea pot, for the lover and for everything in between) .
If making love is the manifestation of a high frequency connection, that arises beyond needs and attachment, it becomes a blissful dance. If it arises from fears or lack, it consumes you alive.
Sarah: Although I feel separate from everything and one, I feel a great connection to it as well. Humans are especially hard for me to be around with pure awareness right now, because their pain is so great–as they so identify with suffering as a way of life!
shakti: Whenever you have the choice, be selective with whom you spend time and energy. Though you may feel one with everyone, this doesn’t mean that you need to spend time with every one. As you become more aware of energies’ frequencies, you become more choosy with companions and environments.
Sarah: Again, that split self steps in, and a part of me gets it and identifies too, while that higher self says: “That’s silly. That’s not where it’s at. Truth of Being lies in constant unconditional love.” But, man, that’s a HARD one to stomach for me–literally! Why?
shakti: Maybe because you pour all kinds of unnecessary meanings into the unconditional love’s bucket, like; I must like everything and everybody, I need to accept all behaviors and take non sense from others because we are one etc. Unconditional love means you do not put conditions on loving that suit your lower self. The feeling of loving doesn’t change, it is constant but within it you can still say goodbye to a boyfriend that you may not like to be with anymore. You don’t stop loving him but you may stop seeing him.
Sarah: Again…it all comes back to the idea of finding love and that the “love” is supposed to come from a place of other, rather than an internal union. This triggers a deep inner loneliness within. I think, “What if I never find someone to connect with really and truly and deeply but myself?” The other part replies: “Good. Then you will feel fulfilled always and it will not matter.”
That 1st part retorts: “But what will others think? Won’t I appear as different or weird?
shakti: They will think you are weird as from their perception you are probably already weird. Don’t forget that in the same breath, as your consciousness expands, you will be striving less and less for other’s recognitions and acknowledgment, so the above fear becomes irrelevant. You may even get to a point that you will find it as a compliment when somebody perceives you as “different�.
Sarah: Won’t I feel disconnected from family, friends and other humans?”
shakti: You may feel even more connected as you will observe how you all simply fill up roles and there is nothing really absolute in it (father, sister, mother grandpa,). You may observe how at the end of the day everyone is fragile, feeling lonely, reaching out for love, and having the illusion that somebody or something outside themselves can fulfill this inner loneliness.
Sarah: Isn’t the loneliness you feel stemming from a lack of connection within your own divine Self?”
shakti: The lack of connection is not within the divine self, it is to the divine self. As a result, we feel disconnected from everything around us. Loneliness stems from this state of separation. Recall how many times you were in a ‘deep’, ‘close’, or ‘intimate’ connection with a loved one and yet you still experienced moments of deep loneliness. So loneliness is not as we often think, a state in relation to others; it is in relation to our higher self but we look to fulfill it in the wrong places. This is why we keep stumbling into pain and disappointment again and again and again.
Sarah: It feels like a head and a heart trip right now. They are in battle for the same thing. I don’t get it.
shakti: Maybe they are reaching out for the same thing and you perceive it as a battle. That they are opposites doesn’t mean they can not unite.
Are the day and the night clashing? No, they create a beautiful dawn. Are the rain and the sun in battle? No, they create a staggering rainbow.
Sarah: And then I feel this sadness for humanity, because I know everyone is struggling… perhaps even greater than I and without knowing they are doing so. That saddens me. I just want to weep for this longing to love.
shakti: Instead of joining the crowd of sufferers you can bring joy and laughter to the people in your present moment. Embrace the world around you with your lightness. Start with the one that you stopped loving because they didn’t serve your expectations anymore and continue with the frustrated cashier in the supermarket by truly seeing her.
Sarah: and to keep loving.
But that little self says: “Will anyone care (including my own self)?”
shakti: That is an example of conditional love. If nobody cares or acknowledges it what is the point of loving? Does the tree stop creating shade because no one cares? Does the flower stop spreading its fragrance because nobody acknowledges it? What the flower can do, so can you, as you are the jewel in the heart of the lotus.
Love
shakti
When we perceive ourselves as being incomplete, we constantly look for another to complete us. In the language of love, the phrase “you complete me” is a common one.